寻求解决方案：从问题到成长目标
《真相与错觉》寻求解决方案：从问题到成长目标,页面无弹窗的全文阅读!
到目前为止，本章已经介绍了一些方法，来帮助你更好地了解当下（正念，冥想与非冥想）与过去（生活经历法）。那么此时，还有一个重要的话题：人们怎样才能在未来获得越来越多的内在自我意识与成功？或者正如一位自我意识独角兽所说：“了解自己还不够。你必须设定目标并做出改变，才能过上自己想要的生活。”通常，了解自我后，你会发现当下的自己与想要成为的自己不一致。比方说，经过谨慎地比较和对照之后，你意识到当前工作并不是最适合你的。或者回顾生活经历后，意识到在你的生活中家庭至关重要，但目前一周80小时的工作时长与这严重不符。通常来看，是否选择践行自己新发现的自我洞察，便是成功与停滞的区别。
比如，马特头脑聪明、胸怀大志，从事金融服务业。除了丰富的行业知识外，在职业生涯中，他因为勤奋、自律的态度赢得了老板、同事和客户的诸多赞誉。第一次见到马特时，我正在负责其公司的高潜能开发项目。那时他刚加入这个项目，我立刻看到了他身上的无限潜力。
马特最近被聘为业务部门总裁的长期继任者。公司的首席执行官告诉我，公司打算让马特在接下来三年左右的时间里在总裁身边工作，观摩学习。这样总裁退休后，马特就能平稳成功地完成角色转换。但计划赶不上变化快。马特任期一年时，总裁突发疾病，不得不离开公司。首席执行官决定不雇用公司外的人接替老板的职位，至少当下是这样，这为马特打开了一扇门。
尽管首席执行官非常想让这位极具潜力的新人担任这一职位，但他不确定马特是否已经做好准备。马特陷入了相当尴尬的局面：总裁离开了，没人接到任命管理公司，而此时必须有人介入，填补空缺。马特找到了首席执行官，主动提出要担当重任，直到公司想到一个更长久的解决方案，首席执行官也同意了他的申请。马特预料到自己将会经历一些成长的阵痛：除了要面临每位领导者都经历过的挑战，比如激励团队、管理绩效以及展现成果，他还要面临另一个复杂的问题，那就是在同事眼中，自己是个非正式的老板。但马特没有灰心，他相信这是一个完美的契机，可以将自己的问题转化为解决方案。换言之，他设定了一个目标，即培养首席执行官这一职位所需的技能，以赢得这份永久的工作。
大多数人凭直觉就知道面临挑战时，寻找解决方案是最有效的选择，这也许可以解释为什么许多老板都喜欢喊那句名言“别跟我说问题，给我解决方案！”。但在商业领域，人们仍然耗费大量时间盯着问题不放，相对而言却极少关注如何解决问题。专注于解决方案，一种名为寻求解决方案的技巧，不仅有助于我们快速实现目标，还会带来意想不到的好处，即帮助我们少考虑一些，多了解一些。比如，在一项研究中，受试者完成了一项为期三个月的生活指导计划，该计划重点在于设定目标并衡量其目标的推进程度。这一计划不仅帮助受试者迅速实现了目标，而且还使他们自我反省的时间减少了，自我意识提升了。[55]另一项研究表明，大约8个月后，人们依旧维持着这一进展速度。[56]寻求解决方案还会带来一个额外的好处，即可以解反刍思维之毒。[57]
寻求解决方案的相关研究非常令人瞩目，心理学领域已经形成了一个完整的学科，该学科的前提便是，专注于解决方案可以产生洞察力，带来幸福和成功。史蒂夫·德·沙泽尔和妻子茵素·金·柏格于20世纪80年代提出一种名为“焦点解决短期治疗”[58]的方法，这种疗法对沮丧情绪、累犯、压力和危机管理等问题都有缓解作用[59]，也能增强几类人群的心理和社会功能，包括父母、罪犯[60]、有行为问题的青少年、医护人员以及感情不和的夫妻。[61]于我们的目的而言，这一方法与更深刻的洞察力和心理成长也不无关联。[62]
如果你想提高寻求解决方案的能力，一个简单却有效的工具就是奇迹问句［你可能在奇普·希思和丹·希思的《瞬变》（Switch：How to Change Things When Change Is Hard）一书中看到过这种说法］。奇迹问句的说法由沙泽尔和伯格提出，其产生的洞察力无处不在，从职场到人们的家庭生活，再到心理医生的沙发上；甚至还有人证明这种方法有助于降低高尔夫球手推杆急抽拉动[63]（即高尔夫菜鸟推杆时突然抽筋）的可能性。那么，奇迹问句到底是什么呢？
假设今晚睡觉的时候，一个奇迹发生了。这一神奇时刻的降临彻底解决了你的问题，也许还会给你生活的其他方面带来极大的影响和改善……想一下……现在的生活会有怎样的不同？清晨醒来时，你注意到的第一件事是什么？
让我们回到马特的故事上。他得到团队的反馈后，了解到最大的问题就是授权问题，于是运用奇迹问句来探索可能的解决方案。马特想，如果自己的问题神奇般地得到了解决，第一件事便是他再也不会把寻求帮助当作弱点了。相反，他会主动寻求帮助，将其视为团队协作、取得进一步成功的方法。
问题解决后，马特继续憧憬着未来（或者如希思兄弟在其著作《瞬变》中所称的那样，他在描画一张“目的地明信片”）。在未来的工作中，他会提升整个团队的参与感和绩效，所有人都觉得没有了负担，提高了工作效率。但请注意，马特的解决方案并不是一种过于简单的单一行为（“我会更加合理地授权”）。相反，他正确预想了自己与下属如何做出更深层次的改变。
确实，奇迹问句如此有效的部分原因在于，它迫使我们从更广阔的视角考虑自己的渴望（通往自我意识的关键支柱之一）。此前提到的一位自我意识独角兽的做法也佐证了这一点。艾米莉有7个兄弟姐妹，生活拮据。她下定决心绝不重蹈家人的覆辙，把艰苦的童年转化为事业成功的动力。
没有目标，是绝不可能获得自我意识的。我会定下自己要实现的目标，比如，初到一家新公司，我要建立良好的人际关系和良好信誉。唯一的办法就是赢得团队的信任，让他们对我抱有信心。任何失误都会让自己惹上麻烦，因此我不得不时刻扪心自问：“这一行为会对我的目标产生什么影响？”
在提升内在自我意识的问题上，所有目标“生而不平等”。就像卡罗尔·德韦克和卡罗尔·迪纳提出的善学型孩子那样，当人们以学习和成长的方式来达成目标时，便有可能收获全新的洞察力和成就。在一项研究中，受试的大学生要写下两段话，内容是关于自己的人生重大目标以及如何努力实现该目标。[64]有趣的是，那些用学习和成长来描述目标的学生，大约4年后自我意识得到了提升，变得更加成熟，也更幸福。
在马特的事例中，他并不是简单地发誓要更有效地授权，而是通过克服自己对寻求帮助的恐惧以及采取行动激励和授权团队，从而能够从更深层次做出改变。接下来的几个月，马特继续锻炼继任总裁所需的技能，时刻等待着这一机会的来临。终于，首席执行官正式提拔了他。现在已经一年多了，马特的表现超出了所有人的期待。马特的故事警醒我们，越早探索挑战如何能够促进成长，就越容易掌控自己，从生活中得到自己想要的。
此时此刻，你可能在想我第一次进入正念世界的结果如何，还有我是否能用自己的亲身经历自圆其说。在冥想课程的最后一天，我们这群人经过长途跋涉，穿过雪地来到了法身大佛塔。队伍走过一座别致的木桥，桥上挂着彩色的祈祷旗，我抬头望着这座高高耸立的佛塔——两个巨大的白色拱门，顶上是闪闪发光的金锥。如此庞大的建筑就耸立在这白雪皑皑的松林之间。当时我竟然有些感动。在远处观赏了几分钟之后，我们脱下鞋子和棉服，进入神殿。进去时我小声跟艾比说：“哇，看那里！”精美的蔚蓝色天花板下高耸着一尊金色佛像，我们都伸长了脖子张望。
我非常惊讶地发现自己当时竟然在想：“真希望能在这里冥想。”
当我们真的在这里冥想时，我终于明白了其中的真谛。没有人会比我更感到惊讶了。整个周末，我的思绪就像一杯水，里面有污浊物在打转。而现在有了这神奇的几分钟，杯中的水变得清澈透明。内心的焦虑、A型人格、过度思考的大脑终于停止了飞速奔跑，现在我变得相当平静。那一刻，我忘记了所有的烦恼。
从香巴拉山脉开车回家的路上，我和妹妹安静地坐着什么都不说，就感到很开心，这种情形之前从未发生过。我欣喜地意识到，没必要不断地聊天或用音乐来填充每一秒。我和艾比从那块神奇的土地回到喧嚣的城市后，我考虑给自己买一块冥想垫，把办公室的一半空间变成正念的天堂。
回来后的第二天，我怀着极大的热情坐下来冥想。第三天，我坐下来继续冥想（可是我知道要照顾4.5斤重的贵宾犬，这样一来，冥想便相当困难）。第四天，我没有坐下冥想。第五天也是如此。后来有一天，我想或许可以推迟自己在办公室冥想的计划。我承认自那以后再也没有进行过冥想，不是因为看不到其可能带来的巨大可能性，而是因为我发现非冥想技巧更适合自己。
重点是，有许多方法可以提升内在自我意识，比如生活经历法用于探索过去，冥想或非冥想正念法用于关注当下，寻求解决方案法用来塑造未来。尽管某种情况下，每种方法都值得一试，但你可能发现某些工具会更适合自己。毕竟，培养洞察力的一部分便是学习哪种自我探索的方法对自己更有效。
[1] 一种用于缓解压力和焦虑的处方药。——译者注
[2] Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer: Cara Feinberg. “The mindfulness chronicles,” harvardmagazine, September/October 2010, http:// harvardmagazine/2010/09/the- mindfulness- chronicles.
[3] “out of the Zen meditation”: Ibid.
[4] “the process of actively noticing”: Ibid.
[5] “The people I know won’t sit still”: Ibid.
[6] 可能需要指出，这些受试者都心情不好，无关年龄、教育背景、收入或对社交媒体的使用程度。
[7] “people prefer to be doing”: Timothy D. Wilson, et al. “Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind.” Science 345.6192 (2014): 75.
[8] celebrities like Angelina Jolie: Alexia Bure. “Surprising celebrities who meditate,” wellandgood, December 26, 2012, http://welland good/good- advice/surprising- celebs- who- meditate/slide/9/.
[9] Anderson Cooper: “The newly mindful Anderson Cooper,” cbsnews , September 6, 2015, http://cbsnews/news/the- newlymindful- anderson- cooper/.
[10] Ellen DeGeneres: “What Gisele Bundchen, Ellen DeGeneres & other celebrities say about meditation,” choosemuse, http://choose muse/blog/9- top- celebrity- meditation- quotes/.
[11] corporations like Google: David Hochman. “Mindfulness: Getting its share of attention,” nytimes, November 3, 2013, http://nytimes /2013/11/03/fashion/mindfulness- and- meditation- are- capturingattention. html.
[12] McKinsey: David Gelles. “The hidden price of mindfulness inc.,” nytimes , March 19, 2016, http://nytimes/2016/03/20/opinion/ sunday/the- hidden- price- of- mindfulness- inc.html?_r=2.
[13] Nike, General Mills, Target, and Aetna: David Hochman. “Mindfulness: Getting its share of attention,” nytimes, November 3, 2013, http://nytimes/2013/11/03/fashion/mindfulness- and- meditationare- capturing- attention.html?_r=0.
[14] reaching more than 300,000 students: Lauren Cassani Davis. “When mindfulness meets the classroom,” theatlantic, August 31, 2015, http://theatlantic/education/archive/2015/08/mindfulnesseducation- schools- meditation/402469/.
[15] U.S. Marines and professional sports: Associated Press. “U.S. Marine Corps members learn mindfulness meditation and yoga in pilot program to help reduce stress,” January 23, 2013, http://nydaily news/life- style/health/u- s- marines- learn- meditate- stress- reductionprogram- article- 1.1245698.
[16] one- billion- dollar cottage industry: David Gelles. “The hidden price of mindfulness inc.,” nytimes, March 19, 2016, http://nytimes /2016/03/20/opinion/sunday/the- hidden- price- of- mindfulness- inc .html?_r=2.
[17] 38 million Americans admit: Cash Star, Inc. “More than 38 million* online Americans shopped while on the toilet,” prnewswire, November 19, 2012, http://prnewswire/news- releases/more- than- 38- million- online- americans- shopped- while- on- the- toilet- 179955401 .html.
[18] nearly half reported being distracted: Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert. “A wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” Science 330.6006 (2010): 932.
[19] researchers asked dieters: Todd F. Heatherton, et al. “Self-Awareness, Task Failure, and Disinhibition: How Attentional Focus Affects Eating.” Journal of Personality 61.1 (1993): 49– 61.
[20] who practice it are happier: Kirk Warren Brown and Richard M. Ryan. “The benefits of being present: mindfulness and its role in psychological well- being.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84.4 (2003): 822–848.
[21] healthier: Paul Grossman, et al. “Mindfulness- based stress reduction and health benefits: A meta- analysis.” Journal of Psychosomatic Research 57.1(2004): 35– 43.
[22] more creative: E. J. Langer, D. Heffernan, and M. Kiester. “Reducing burnout in an institutional setting: An experimental investigation.” Unpublished manuscript, Harvard University, Cambridge, MA (1988).
[23] more productive: Kwang- Ryang Park. An experimental study of theorybased team building intervention: A case of Korean work groups.” Unpublished manuscript, Harvard University, Cambridge, MA (1990).
[24] more authentic: Michael H. Kernis and Brian M. Goldman. “A multicomponent conceptualization of authenticity: Theory and research.” Advances in Experimental Social Psychology 38 (2006): 283– 357.
[25] more in control of their behavior: Kirk Warren Brown and Richard M. Ryan. “The benefits of being present: mindfulness and its role in psychological well- being.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84.4 (2003): 822–848.
[26] more satisfied in their marriages: Leslie C. Burpee and Ellen J. Langer. “Mindfulness and marital satisfaction.” Journal of Adult Development 12.1 (2005): 43– 51.
[27] more relaxed: Ellen J. Langer, Irving L. Janis, and John A. Wolfer. “Reduction of psychological stress in surgical patients.” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 11.2 (1975): 155– 165.
[28] less aggressive: Whitney L. Heppner, et al. “Mindfulness as a means of reducing aggressive behavior: Dispositional and situational evidence.” Aggressive Behavior 34.5 (2008): 486– 496.
[29] less burnt- out: E. J. Langer, D. Heffernan, and M. Kiester. “Reducing burnout in an institutional setting: An experimental investigation.” Unpublished manuscript, Harvard University, Cambridge, MA (1988).
[30] even thinner: Eric B. Loucks, et al. “Associations of dispositional mindfulness with obesity and central adiposity: The New England Family Study.” International Journal of Behavioral Medicine 23.2 (2016): 224– 233.
[31] mindfulness meditation can save us: Chen Hemo and Lilac Lev- Ari. “Focus on your breathing: Does meditation help lower rumination and depressive symptoms?” International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy 15.3 (2015): 349– 359.
[32] intensive mindfulness training retreat: Richard Chambers, Barbara Chuen Yee Lo, and Nicholas B. Allen. “The impact of intensive mindfulness training on attentional control, cognitive style, and affect.” Cognitive Therapy and Research 32.3 (2008): 303– 322.
[33] enjoy greater self- insight:Kelly C. Richards, C. Estelle Campenni, and Janet L. Muse- Burke. “Self- care and well- being in mental health professionals: The mediating effects of self- awareness and mindfulness.”Journal of Mental Health Counseling32.3 (2010): 247–264.
[34] becauseit increases insight:Yadollah Ghasemipour, Julie Ann Robinson, and Nima Ghorbani. “Mindfulness and integrative self- knowledge:Relationships with health- related variables.”International Journal of Psychology48.6 (2013): 1030– 1037.
[35] “Mindfulness offers a strategy”:Personal communication.
[36] better control our behavior:Shannon M. Erisman and Lizabeth Roemer. “A preliminary investigation of the effects of experimentally induced mindfulness on emotional responding to film clips.”Emotion10.1(2010): 72–82.
[37] They asked students to write:Whitney L. Heppner, et al. “Mindfulness as a means of reducing aggressive behavior: Dispositional and situational evidence.”Aggressive Behavior34.5 (2008): 486– 496.
[38] 以正念的方式吃葡萄干，就像是：“想象你从未见过一粒葡萄干……轻轻地用嘴唇摩擦那粒葡萄干，注意体会这样做的感受。接下来，把葡萄干放进嘴里，让葡萄干在你的舌头上慢慢滚动……咬一小口……现在缓慢地咀嚼这粒葡萄干……”
[39] only the mindfulness group:J. David Creswell, et al. “Alterations in Resting- State Functional Connectivity Link Mindfulness Meditation with Reduced Interleukin- 6: A Randomized Controlled Trial.”Biological Psychiatry(2016).
[40] “the essence of mindfulness”:Ellen Langer. “The third metric for success,”ellenlanger, 2009, http://ellenlanger/blog/171/thethird- metric- for- success.
[41] reframing our experiences:I’d like to thank my superstar research assistant Lauren Tronick for spotting this interesting trend in the data.
[42] “going to the balcony”:William Ury. Getting Past No: Negotiating with Difficult Peopl. Bantam Books, 1992.
[43] “But how to speak about”:Gustave Flaubert, translated by Lowell Bair.Madame Bovary.Bantam Books, 1959, p. 35.
[44] rarely take time to reflect Giada Di Stefano, et al. “Learning by thinking: Overcoming the bias for action through reflection.”Harvard Business School NOM Unit Working Paper14- 093 (2015): 14– 093.
[45] call- center trainees who took: Ibid.
[46] 星等（magnitude），衡量天体光度的量。星等值越小，星星就越亮；星等值越大，它的光就越暗。——译者注
[47] “biographers of our lives”: Timothy D. Wilson. Strangers to Ourselves. Harvard University Press, 2004, p. 16.
[48] “Think about your life”: Note: I’ve adapted this slightly to serve the purpose of self- awareness. Dan P. McAdams, et al. “Continuity and change in the life story: A longitudinal study of autobiographical memories in emerging adulthood.” Journal of Personality 74.5 (2006): 1371– 1400.
[49] life stories are associated: Ibid.
[50] Chase discovered his theme: Jennifer L. Pals. “Authoring a second chance in life: Emotion and transformational processing within narrative identity.” Research in Human Development 3.2– 3 (2006): 101– 120.
[51] achievement . . . relationships: McAdams and his colleagues call these “agency” and “communion” respectively.
[52] struggling with their grades: Timothy D. Wilson and Patricia W. Linville. “Improving the academic performance of college freshmen: Attribution therapy revisited.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 42.2 (1982): 367–376.
[53] “I was dead, but the doctors”: Dan P. McAdams. “The redemptive self: Generativity and the stories Americans live by.” Research in Human Development 3.2– 3 (2006): 81– 100, p. 90.
[54] even the most horrific experiences: Dan P. McAdams, et al. “When bad things turn good and good things turn bad: Sequences of redemption and contamination in life narrative and their relation to psychosocial adaptation in midlife adults and in students.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 27.4 (2001): 474– 485.
[55] less introspection and more self- awareness: Anthony M. Grant. “The impact of life coaching on goal attainment, metacognition and mental health.” Social Behavior and Personality: An International Journal 31.3 (2003): 253– 263.
[56] people sustained this progress: L. S. Green, L. G. Oades, and A. M. Grant. “Cognitive- behavioral, solution- focused life coaching: Enhancing goal striving, well- being, and hope.” Journal of Positive Psychology 1.3 (2006): 142– 149.
[57] solutions- mining is a powerful: Edward R. Watkins, Celine B. Baeyens, and Rebecca Read. “Concreteness training reduces dysphoria: proof- ofprinciple for repeated cognitive bias modification in depression.” Journal of Abnormal Psychology 118.1 (2009): 55–64.
[58] Solutions Focused Brief Therapy: Steve De Shazer. Clues: Investigating Solutions in Brief Therapy. W. W. Norton & Co, 1988. Note that I’ve slightly adapted this question for brevity.
[59] produced dramatic improvements: Jacqueline Corcoran and Vijayan Pillai. “A review of the research on solution- focused therapy.” British Journal of Social Work 39.2 (2009): 234– 242.
[60] populations such as parents, prisoners: Wallace J. Gingerich and Sheri Eisengart. “Solution-focused brief therapy: A review of the outcome research.” Family Process 39.4 (2000): 477– 498.
[61] adolescents . . . struggling with their marriages: Jacqueline Corcoran and Vijayan Pillai. “A review of the research on solution- focused therapy.” British Journal of Social Work 39.2 (2009): 234– 242.
[62] insight and psychological growth: Wei Zhang, et al. “Brief report: Effects of solution- focused brief therapy group- work on promoting posttraumatic growth of mothers who have a child with ASD.” Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 44.8 (2014): 2052– 2056.
[63] reduce their putting yips: Robert J. Bell, Christopher H. Skinner, and Leslee A. Fisher. “Decreasing putting yips in accomplished golfers via solution- focused guided imagery: A single- subject research design.” Journal of Applied Sport Psychology 21.1 (2009): 1– 14.
[64] college students were asked to write: Jack J. Bauer and Dan P. McAdams. “Eudaimonic growth: Narrative growth goals predict increases in ego development and subjective well- being 3 years later.” Developmental Psychology 46.4 (2010): 761–772.