从自恋到自我意识：抵制自我崇拜
《真相与错觉》从自恋到自我意识：抵制自我崇拜,页面无弹窗的全文阅读!
通过上一章内容，想必读者对大多数人并不认为自己自恋这一现状已见怪不怪了。好消息是只有4%的人真正属于病态自恋，坏消息是96%的人或多或少都有一些自恋行为，至少当时有那么一点儿。附录H里有一项评估能帮助你确定目前的自恋程度。不管得分多少，如果你想远离自恋走向自我意识，可以尝试以下3个方法：成为一名信息分享者、培养谦逊品质以及练习自我接纳。
日常生活中你会花多少时间和精力在自己身上？也许比你想象中的时间要多。一项研究发现，聊天中人们有60%的时间都在谈论自己。[73]使用社交媒体交流时，这一比例更是达到了惊人的80%。[74]但自我意识独角兽们不同。绝大多数情况下，他们交流（不管是线上还是线下）的关注点都在其他人或事上，朋友、同事以及全球各地发生的大事等。有人恰如其分地指出“世界不会围绕着我转”。也有人解释说，与他人沟通的方法包括“对除自己以外的事物保持好奇心”。
但当大部分社交媒体的存在似乎只为了展示自我时，人们还有可能去关注他人吗？先来看看整体状况。研究人员发现，使用社交媒体的人大体可分为两类[75]：80%是所谓的“自我信息者”（Meformers），他们喜欢发布关于自己的信息，告诉所有人自己发生了什么。剩下的20%就是“信息分享者”（Informers），他们往往会发布一些与自己无关的信息，比如有用的文章、有趣的观察以及搞笑的视频等。信息分享者往往比自我信息者拥有更多的朋友，享受着更丰富、更满意的交流互动。
这样来看自我意识独角兽是信息分享者，这一点也许没什么好奇怪的。但开始深入研究这一话题时，我惊讶地发现独角兽会比“非独角兽”在社交媒体上花费更多的时间（大约多20%），他们只是用这段时间做了不同的事情罢了。他们没有登录账号发自拍，更新状态，说即将到来的假期或者自己最新取得的职场成就，而是把社交媒体当作真正与他人接触保持联系的方式。一位50多岁的企业家独角兽告诉我们：“社交媒体让我能看到自己关心的人最近在忙些什么。我不经常在脸谱网上发消息，但会尽量每周分享几次令人振奋、有趣或与众不同的内容。如果我发了一张照片，那照片上更有可能是一只在树上栖息或在夕阳下翱翔的老鹰，总之是一些我能分享给他人的美好事物。”和其他自我意识独角兽一样，这位企业家使用社交媒体的目的并不是积累很多的“赞”，而是分享、娱乐和激励他人。还有一位45岁左右的经理，他也是一名自我意识独角兽，他说：“有时候就像坎耶·维斯特（美国著名说唱歌手）这样的大明星也需要来自公众的肯定，比如‘对！你很棒！’这样的鼓励话语，但我觉得自己不需要这些。”
我要说的很明确：要实现从自恋到自我意识的转变，就要试着成为一名信息分享者，也就是说，少关注自己，多关注与他人的交流与联系。那么接下来24小时，我给你的挑战就是关注一下你说了多少与自己有关的话以及你有多么关注他人，包括线上和线下。在受到自我信息者的聊天话题或帖子引诱时，问问自己：“做这件事，我希望实现什么呢？”请注意，要做好这件事起初并不容易。自从开始写本书，我就在运用这一技巧，自恋的强大吸引力让我感到异常惊讶。这种做法暴露了很多我之前都没意识到的行为。从那以后，我就努力改变自己的表达方式，尤其是在网上。尝试这种做法几天后，我打赌你一定会发现让自己感到惊讶的事情。
然而，关注他人就其本身而言，并不会帮助我们战胜自我崇拜。我们还需要对自己的品质有更真实的了解，换句话说就是要培养谦逊的品质。谦逊意味着接受自己的弱点和正确看待自己的成功，这是自我意识的关键部分。
安吉拉·阿伦茨小时候就梦想成为一名服装设计师。那时候她会一连几个小时盯着母亲的杂志看那些漂亮的图片，然后缝制自己的衣服。进入大学后，阿伦茨开始思考为什么其他学服装设计的学生看上去比自己更有天赋。有一天，一位教授把她拉到一边给了她一些建议。教授尽管出于好意，但阿伦茨仍是有些难以接受。教授告诉阿伦茨，谈论时尚却不能创造时尚的人，我们把这种人叫作商人。[76]
也许可以这么说，大多数踌躇满志的学生在被告知自己不够优秀而无法实现梦想时，便会陷入自欺欺人的旋涡。我们会抓着身边的人说：“那个教授懂什么，她就是一直跟我过不去！”阿伦茨不是这种人。她从小在印第安纳州新巴勒斯坦长大，有5个兄弟姐妹，她自幼便懂得要努力学习，保持谦逊。因此，她有着较强的自我意识，明白教授的建议是中肯的。
阿伦茨接受了建议，成了一名商人。到2006年，阿伦茨成为英国传统奢侈品牌博柏利（Burberry）的首席执行官。她改变了这一品牌的设计和零售及数字运营模式，通过这些举措，在全球经济衰退时策划了一次令人折服的公司转型。[77]一路走来，她收获了无数值得自豪的荣誉，5年内4次被《福布斯》（Forbes）杂志评为全球最有影响力的女性之一，被《财富》杂志评为年度企业家之一，甲骨文公司（Oracle）为其颁发了杰出领导奖，等等。
但阿伦茨不会去炫耀这些成就，这不是她的风格。她在应聘苹果公司在线和零售业务高级副总裁一职时，接受了苹果公司首席执行官蒂姆·库克的面试，她特别强调自己既不是什么技术专家，在消费类电子产品领域也没有任何经验。但库克清楚自己不需要什么技术奇才或零售专家来扭转苹果公司零售部所处的困境。他需要的是具有团队精神的人：一个能够参与其中并激励员工的无私领导。
阿伦茨前几个月在新岗位上干得怎么样呢？一个比较自恋的领导也许会竭力设定一个美好的愿景引人注目，不管这一愿景对公司而言是不是正确的决定，但阿伦茨没有这样做。她跑遍100多家零售店、客户服务中心以及后勤办公室，只有一个简单的目标：倾听。接下来，她开始每周给6万名零售部员工发一次个人信息，其目的不是告诉他们她的意见或者她的部门计划，而是让他们更多地参与决策，这些决策都与他们自身息息相关。她让员工把自己当成“高管……用（苹果公司）数年来努力打造的产品与顾客接触”。[78]
阿伦茨这种完全不以自我为中心，谦逊、包容的领导风格令一些新闻界人士困惑不已，《财富》杂志编辑珍妮弗·莱因戈尔德忍不住发问：“安吉拉·阿伦茨究竟在苹果公司搞什么鬼？”[79]然而，阿伦茨取得的成绩已经说明了一切。从财务报表上看，2015年是公司有史以来最成功的一年[80]，收益增长了28%，达到2 340亿美元，员工留任率的比例飙升至81%[81]，这是苹果公司迄今为止的最高纪录。阿伦茨现在成了全世界最具标志性、最有价值的企业中薪酬最高的员工，据估计年薪超过2 500万美元。
毫无疑问，像阿伦茨这样谦逊的人客观来讲更成功，是因为关注他人使他们更受人爱戴和尊敬；他们工作努力，不把任何事视为理所当然；在自己找不到答案时敢于承认；愿意向他人学习而不会固执己见。结果便是，在这样的领导手下工作，员工会更加投入和满意，也不太可能选择离开。[82]对于高层领导而言尤其如此，如果学不会控制自己的自恋心理，那是极其危险的。
然而，谦逊的品质在自我崇拜社会中往往是个例而非普遍情况，商界内外皆如此。我发现造成这一可悲现状的原因有三个：第一，人们经常把谦逊和过低的自我价值感相混淆，因此认为谦逊是不可取的，尽管事实正好相反，因为谦逊意味着了解自己的弱点，能正确看待自己的成功，是自我意识的必要组成部分[83]；第二，谦逊的品质之所以少见，原因在于要拥有它，必须在自我崇拜的中心驯服那头强大的野兽：自我；最后，谦逊需要人们接受自己存在一定程度的不完美，而大多数以目的为导向的人（A型人）很少会允许自己不完美。（想快速评估自己的谦逊程度，参见附录I。）
但谦逊意味着我们该因为自身不可避免的缺点讨厌自己吗？意味着我们该不断反省自己的缺点从而避免自以为是吗？万幸的是，面对无限自负的自己时，我们可以不必选择憎恨自我，而是选择自我接纳——战胜自我崇拜的第三个方法。自负意味着忽略客观事实，认为自己很完美，而自我接纳（有些研究人员也称自我同情）则意味着：理解客观事实，无论怎样都选择喜欢自己。因此，自我接纳的人不会努力追求完美，或自欺欺人地相信自己就是完美的，他们会理解和原谅自己的不完美之处。
令人深受鼓舞的是，自我接纳会带来自尊所标榜的所有好处，几乎无须任何代价。尽管两者都预示着幸福和乐观，但只有自我接纳程度高的人才能积极看待自己，而且不依赖外在的肯定[84]（也就是说，他们不需要过分的赞扬，不需要脸谱网上几百个“赞”，也不需要有着比喻意义的金色星星，让自己感觉良好，对自己的贡献感到自豪）。
自我接纳不仅在理论上是个好主意，在实践中也会促成人们的成功和幸福。在一项研究中，美国著名心理学家克里斯汀·聂夫及同事让那些定向就业的本科生参加了一次模拟面试，面试的工作是他们“非常渴望的”。[85]当面试官让学生们描述自己最大的缺点时，那些自我接纳程度高的同学显得不那么紧张，说完之后有些难为情。要是真正的工作面试，他们很可能会表现更好。
如何提高自我接纳能力呢？一个方法就是更好地审视自己的内心独白。美国组织心理学家史蒂文·罗格伯格和同事专门针对参加为期一周的领导力项目的高管进行过一项研究，发现自我接纳的内心独白是非常有用的。一周结束时，每位受试者给未来的自己写了封信，内容是关于学习的课程以及想要做出的改变。研究人员把每封信都做了标记，要么是自我接纳（他们称为“建设性的”），要么是自我批判。使用自我接纳语言的主管与自我批判型的主管相比，效率更高、压力更小（有趣的是，自我批判型的领导也更缺乏创造力）。[86]
下一章讨论认知和停止反思时，我们还会重新回顾这一观点。但现在，尤其是如果你感觉很糟糕——内心愧疚、害怕、沮丧或应付不来——注意一下你是在自我批判（“忘了定闹铃！我到底怎么了？为什么连最简单的事都做不好”）还是在自我接纳（“那是个错误，但人无完人，有些失误在所难免”）。有时候，问自己这个问题会很有帮助：“我会把刚才对自己说的话，说给那些我喜欢和尊敬的人听吗？”
下定决心培养谦逊的品质，富有同情心地接纳自己，是需要勇气的。我们遇到过这样一位自我意识独角兽，他原本是名建筑师，经过训练如今已成为全球技术总监。他分析说：“问题不在于意识到自己的存在，而在于热爱你发现的那个自己。”这一过程会令人不舒服吗？有时候会的。但通常不舒服就意味着在进步。还有一位自我意识独角兽是一家消费产品公司的市场经理，正处在职业生涯的中期，他说道：“你越专注于培养自我意识，就越会对自己有同理心和慈悲心。”
关于谦逊和自我接纳最好的例子，莫过于乔治·华盛顿的告别演说了，可以说是现代史上最让人尊崇的总统演说之一。人生暮年，他为美利坚合众国的建设鞠躬尽瘁，在向这个国家告别时，他说道：“……还没发现有故意的错误，但我非常了解自己的缺陷，自知所犯错误不在少数。”[87]接着，华盛顿请求美国公民给予自己同样的恩赐，就像他给予自身的一样：“我将永远满怀希望，希望我的国家永远宽恕这些错误……希望由于我才疏学浅而犯的一些失误，将随着我即将长眠地下而湮没无闻。”
截至目前，我们已探索了关于洞察力的无形的常见阻碍因素，包括阻碍我们看清自己的盲点和助长自欺欺人之心的社会力量。现在，可以开始学习如何改善这种局面了。你马上会了解到，想要冲破这些阻碍，需要摒弃之前对自我意识真正含义的了解。在下一章，我们将会揭露内在自我意识最常见的愚行和谬见，学习究竟应该怎么做。
[1] analyzed the names given: Jean M. Twenge, Emodish M. Abebe, and W. Keith Campbell. “Fitting in or standing out: Trends in American parents’ choices for children’s names, 1880– 2007.” Social Psychological and Personality Science 1.1 (2010): 19– 25.
[2] “Parents used to give”: Gina Jacobs. “Unique baby names not just a celebrity fad,” newscenter.sdsu.edu, May 20, 2009, http://newscenter.sdsu .edu/sdsu_newscenter/news_story.aspx?sid=71319.
[3] Cult of Self is a fairly: Roy F. Baumeister, et al. “Does high self- esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles?” Psychological Science in the Public Interest 4.1 (2003): 1– 44.
[4] The seeds were first sown: Stanley Coopersmith. The Antecedents of Self- Esteem. Consulting Psychologists Press, 1967.
[5] we didn’t need to become: Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell. The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Simon and Schuster, 2009, p. 62.
[6] “profound consequences for every”: Nathaniel Branden. The Six Pillars of Self- Esteem. Bantam Dell Publishing Group, 1995, p. 5, as cited in Roy F. Baumeister, Laura Smart, and Joseph M. Boden. “Relation of threatened egotism to violence and aggression: The dark side of high selfesteem.” Psychological Review 103.1 (1996): 5.
[7] “couldn’t think of a single”: Nathaniel Branden. “In defense of self.” Association for Humanistic Psychology (1984): 12– 13, p. 12, as cited in Roy F. Baumeister, Laura Smart, and Joseph M. Boden. “Relation of threatened egotism to violence and aggression: The dark side of high self- esteem.” Psychological Review 103.1 (1996): 5–33.
[8] “between self- esteem and teenage”: Andrew M. Mecca, Neil J. Smelser, and John Vasconcellos. The Social Importance of Self- Esteem. University of California Press, 1989, p. 105.
[9] “we all know in our gut”: Ibid.
[10] “the man who destroyed”: Will Storr. “The man who destroyed America’s ego,” medium, February 25, 2014, https://medium/matter/ the- man- who- destroyed- americas- ego- 94d214257b5#.dasai1u4q.
[11] military cadets’ self- esteem: Martin M. Chemers, Carl B. Watson, and Stephen T. May. “Dispositional affect and leadership effectiveness: A comparison of self- esteem, optimism, and efficacy.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 26.3 (2000): 267– 277.
[12] College students’ self- esteem: Duane Buhrmester, et al. “Five domains of interpersonal competence in peer relationships.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 55.6 (1988): 991–1008.
[13] Professionals with high self- esteem: Julia A. Bishop and Heidi M. Inderbitzen. “Peer acceptance and friendship: An investigation of their relation to self- esteem.” Journal of Early Adolescence 15.4 (1995): 476– 489.
[14] boosting the self- esteem of the unsuccessful: D. R. Forsyth and N. A. Kerr. “Are adaptive illusions adaptive.” Poster presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association, Boston, MA (1999), cited in Baumeister et al., 1996.
[15] neither “a major predictor”: Roy F. Baumeister, et al. “Does high self- esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles?” Psychological Science in the Public Interest 4.1 (2003): 1– 44.
[16] “bemoan[ing] the lack”: Ibid.
[17] more violent and aggressive: Baumeister et al. “Relation of threatened egotism to violence and aggression: The dark side of high self-esteem.” Psychological Review 103.1 (1996): 5–33.
[18] When their romantic: Caryl E. Rusbult, Gregory D. Morrow, and Dennis J. Johnson. “Self-esteem and problem-solving behaviour in close relationships.” British Journal of Social Psychology 26.4 (1987): 293– 303.
[19] more likely to cheat: Thalma E. Lobel and Ilana Levanon. “Self- esteem, need for approval, and cheating behavior in children.” Journal of Educational Psychology 80.1 (1988): 122–123.
[20] drink, and do drugs: Meg Gerrard, et al. “Self-esteem, self-serving cognitions, and health risk behavior.” Journal of Personality 68.6 (2000): 1177– 1201.
[21] “special and unique.”: Richard Adams. “Headteacher whose praise for pupils went viral falls foul of Ofsted,” theguardian, September 24, 2015, http://theguardian/education/2015/sep/24/headteacherwhose- praise- for- pupils- went- viral- falls- foul- of- ofsted.
[22] “robs the victim”: Zole O’Brien. “Children are never naughty, says head,” express.co.uk, June 28, 2015, http://express.co.uk/news/uk/587459/ Children- teachers- bad- behaviour.
[23] “You know I think you’re wonderful”: Allison Pearson. “Sparing the rod has spoilt these teachers,” telegraph.co.uk, June 30, 2015, http://www .telegraph.co.uk/education/primaryeducation/11707847/Allison- Pearson- Sparing- the- rod- has- spoilt- these- teachers.html. 77 “you have emptied”: Ibid.
[24] 英国著名记者埃里森·皮尔逊饶有兴致地想象，如果这样的说话哲学运用到第二次世界大战前后英国的外交关系中，将会是什么样子：尊敬的希特勒先生：您已经磨光了我们的耐心。请归还波兰，否则您将会对我们的福祉产生严重影响。爱您的英国
[25] “you have emptied”: Ibid.
[26] “tried their best during”: “Barrowford school’s KS2 ‘proud’ letter to pupils goes viral,” bbc, July 16, 2014, http://bbc/news/ukengland- lancashire- 28319907.
[27] a “fantasy”: Jaya Narain. “Inspectors slam primary school where there’s no such thing as a naughty child and teachers are banned from raising their voices — and give it Ofsted’s lowest possible rating,” dailymail.co.uk, September 25, 2015, http://dailymail.co.uk/news/article- 3249078/ Inspectors- slam- primary- school- s- no- thing- naughty- child- teachersbanned- raising- voices- Ofsted- s- lowest- possible- rating.html.
[28] “very positive and excited”: Ibid.
[29] hands out roughly 3,500 awards: Ashley Merryman. “Losing is good for you,” nytimes, September 24, 2013, http://nytimes /2013/09/25/opinion/losing- is- good- for- you.html?_r=0.
[30] banned all competitive sports: Dilvin Yasa. “Has the self- esteem movement failed our kids,” childmags.au, September 22, 2014, http:// childmags.au/family/relationships/6766- has- the- self- esteemmovement- failed- our- kids.
[31] they’re too “negative”: William Turvill. “School bans red ink — and tells teachers to mark in green instead (and get pupils to respond in purple),” dailymail.co.uk, March 19, 2014, http://dailymail.co.uk/news/ article- 2584672/School- bans- red- ink- tells- teachers- mark- green- inst.
[32] “I Love Me” lessons: Richard Lee Colvin. “Losing faith in self- esteem movement,” latimes, January 25, 1999, http://articles.latimes /1999/jan/25/news/mn- 1505.
[33] with 30 valedictorians: Frank Bruni. “Common core battles the cult of self- esteem,” dallasnews, December 1, 2013, http://dallasnews /opinion/latest- columns/20131201- common- core- battles- the- cult- ofself- esteem.ece.
[34] grade inflation: Valerie Strauss. “Why grade inflation (even at Harvard) is a big problem,” washingtonpost, December 20, 2013, https:// washingtonpost/news/answer-sheet/wp/2013/12/20/why- gradeinflation- even- at- harvard- is- a- big- problem/?utm_term=.6b4ef3d0ee6d.
[35] grades awarded were A’s: Matthew Q. Clarida and Nicholas P. Fandos. “Substantiating fears of grade inflation, dean says median grade at Harvard College is A- , most common grade is A,” thecrimson, December 4, 2013, http://thecrimson/article/2013/12/3/grade- inflation- mode- a/.
[36] 72 percent of students polled: Kristin Touissant. “Harvard class with A- average not worried about grade inflation,” boston, May 27, 2015, http://boston/news/local- news/2015/05/27/harvard- class- witha- average- not- worried- about- grade- inflation.
[37] “a more consistently excellent”: Robert McGuire. “Grade expectations,” yalealumnimagazine, September/October 2013, https:// yalealumnimagazine/articles/3735.
[38] college freshmen were overconfident: Richard W. Robins and Jennifer S. Beer. “Positive illusions about the self: Short- term benefits and long- term costs.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 80.2 (2001): 340–352.
[39] “guileful and deceitful”: C. Randall Colvin, Jack Block, and David C. Funder. “Overly positive self- evaluations and personality: negative implications for mental health.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 68.6 (1995): 1152, 1156.
[40] “complex, interesting, and intelligent”: C. Randall Colvin, Jack Block, and David C. Funder. “Overly positive self- evaluations and personality: negative implications for mental health.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 68.6 (1995): 1152–1162.
[41] entrepreneurs and founders tend: Keith M. Hmieleski and Robert A. Baron. “Entrepreneurs’ optimism and new venture performance: A social cognitive perspective.” Academy of Management Journal 52.3 (2009): 473– 488.
[42] “dead certain”: Arnold C. Cooper, Carolyn Y. Woo, and William C. Dunkelberg. “Entrepreneurs’ perceived chances for success.” Journal of Business Venturing 3.2 (1988): 97– 108.
[43] Canadian Innovation Centre: Thomas Åstebro and Samir Elhedhli. “The effectiveness of simple decision heuristics: Forecasting commercial success for early- stage ventures.” Management Science 52.3 (2006): 395– 409.
[44] 我在书中几乎一字不差地重现了自我意识独角兽的话。我在不改变其原意的前提下做了一些小改动，以让内容更有可读性。
[45] “I believe that someone”: Daniel Kahneman. Thinking, Fast and Slow. Macmillan, 2011, p. 264.
[46] post the most selfies: Laura E. Buffardi and W. Keith Campbell. “Narcissism and social networking web sites.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 34.10 (2008): 1303– 1314.
[47] “moral shallowing hypothesis”: Paul Trapnell and Lisa Sinclair. “Texting frequency and the moral shallowing hypothesis.” Poster presented at the Annual Meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, San Diego, CA. 2012.
[48] anyone who takes selfies: Jesse Fox and Margaret C. Rooney. “The Dark Triad and trait self- objectification as predictors of men’s use and self- presentation behaviors on social networking sites.” Personality and Individual Differences 76 (2015): 161– 165.
[49] narcissism increased, a full 30 percent: Jean M. Twenge, et al. “Egos inflating over time: A cross-temporal meta-analysis of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory.” Journal of Personality 76.4 (2008): 875– 902.
[50] roughly 80 percent: Cassandra Rutledge Newsom, et al. “Changes in adolescent response patterns on the MMPI/MMPI- A across four decades.” Journal of Personality Assessment 81.1 (2003): 74– 84.
[51] increase in self- focused: William J. Chopik, Deepti H. Joshi, and Sara H. Konrath. “Historical changes in American self- interest: State of the Union addresses 1790 to 2012.” Personality and Individual Differences 66 (2014): 128– 133.
[52] maintaining our relationships: Sonja Utz. “The function of self- disclosure on social network sites: Not only intimate, but also positive and entertaining self- disclosures increase the feeling of connection.” Computers in Human Behavior 45 (2015): 1– 10.
[53] 11 percent less likely: Sara H. Konrath, Edward H. O’Brien, and Courtney Hsing. “Changes in dispositional empathy in American college students over time: A meta- analysis.” Personality and Social Psychology Review 15.2 (2010): 180–198.
[54] narcissists indeed use social media: Eric B. Weiser. “# Me: Narcissism and its facets as predictors of selfie- posting frequency.” Personality and Individual Differences 86 (2015): 477– 481; Soraya Mehdizadeh. “Selfpresentation 2.0: Narcissism and self- esteem on Facebook.” Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking 13.4 (2010): 357– 364.
[55] spent 35 minutes online: E. Freeman and J. Twenge. “Using MySpace increases the endorsement of narcissistic personality traits.” Society for Personality and Social Psychology (2010).
[56] personality disorder characterized: American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM- 5®). American Psychiatric Publishing, 2013.
[57] overrate their performance: John W. Fleenor, et al. “Self– other rating agreement in leadership: A review.” The Leadership Quarterly 21.6 (2010): 1005– 1034.
[58] dominate decision processes: Robert Hogan, Robert Raskin, and Dan Fazzini. “The dark side of charisma.” Measures of Leadership (1990).
[59] seek excessive recognition:Carolyn C. Morf and Frederick Rhodewalt. “Unraveling the paradoxes of narcissism: A dynamic self- regulatory processing model.” Psychological Inquiry 12.4 (2001): 177– 196.
[60] show less empathy: Seth A. Rosenthal and Todd L. Pittinsky. “Narcissistic leadership.” The Leadership Quarterly 17.6 (2006): 617– 633.
[61] behave unethically: Michael Maccoby. “Narcissistic leaders: The incredible pros, the inevitable cons.” Harvard Business Review 78.1 (2000): 68– 78.
[62] lowest in effectiveness:Timothy A. Judge, Jeffery A. LePine, and Bruce L. Rich. “Loving yourself abundantly: Relationship of the narcissistic personality to self- and other perceptions of workplace deviance, leadership, and task and contextual performance.”Journal of Applied Psychology91.4 (2006): 762–776.
[63] less responsive to objective:Arijit Chatterjee and Donald C. Hambrick.“Executive personality, capability cues, and risk taking: How narcissistic CEOs react to their successes and stumbles.”Administrative Science Quarterly 56.2 (2011): 202– 237.
[64] measured the size of CEO:Charles Ham, et al. “Narcissism is a bad sign:CEO signature size, investment, and performance.”UNC Kenan- Flagler Research Paper2013– 1 (2014).
[65] overly favorable impression:Shanyang Zhao, Sherri Grasmuck, and Jason Martin. “Identity construction on Facebook: Digital empowerment in anchored relationships.”Computers in Human Behavior24.5 (2008):1816– 1836.
[66] Facebook status updates:Trudy Hui Chua and Leanne Chang. “Follow me and like my beautiful selfies: Singapore teenage girls’ engagement in self- presentation and peer comparison on social media.”Computers in Human Behavior55 (2016): 190– 197.
[67] dating profiles Nicole Ellison, Rebecca Heino, and Jennifer Gibbs.“Managing impressions online: Self-presentation processes in the online dating environment.”Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication11.2(2006): 415– 441.
[68] Twitter feeds of congresspeople:David S. Lassen and Benjamin J. Toff.“Elite ideology across media: Constructing a measure of Congressional candidates’ ideological self- presentation on social media.”Unpublished manuscript (2015).
[69] fewer negative words: Natalya N. Bazarova, et al. “Managing impres-sions and relationships on Facebook: Self- presentational and relational concerns revealed through the analysis of language style.” Journal of Language and Social Psychology 32.2 (2012): 121–141.
[70] goal of creating a favorable: L. Bareket- Bojmel, S. Moran, and G. Shahar G. “Strategic self- presentation on Facebook: Personal motives and audience response to online behavior. Computers in Human Behavior 55 (2016): 788– 795.
[71] shutting down her social: Megan McCluskey. “Teen Instagram Star Speaks Out About the Ugly Truth Behind Social Media Fame.” Time, November 2, 2015, http://time/4096988/teen- instagram- star- essena - oneill- quitting- social- media/.
[72] “Let’s be Game Changers”: “Essena O’Neill invites us to ‘Let’s be Game Changers,’ as she exposes the ‘fakeness’ of social media,” mybody myimage, November 3, 2015, http://mybodymyimage/ essena- oneill- invites- us- to- lets- be- game- changers- as- she- exposes- thefakeness- of- social- media.
[73] 60 percent of our talking: Robin I. M. Dunbar, Anna Marriott, and Neil D. C. Duncan. “Human conversational behavior.” Human Nature 8.3 (1997): 231– 246.
[74] whopping 80 percent: Mor Naaman, Jeffrey Boase, and Chih- Hui Lai. “Is it really about me?: message content in social awareness streams.” Proceedings of the 2010 ACM Conference on Computer Supported Cooperative Work. ACM, 2010.
[75] one of two categories: Ibid.
[76] “a merchant”: Andrew Anthony. “Angela Ahrendts: the woman aiming to make Apple a luxury brand,” theguardian, January 9, 2016, https://theguardian/technology/2016/jan/10/profile- angelaahrendts- apple- executive- luxury- brand.
[77] impressive company turnaround: Jennifer Reingold. “What the heck is Angela Ahrendts doing at Apple?” fortune, September 10, 2015, http://fortune/2015/09/10/angela- ahrendts- apple/.
[78] “executives . . . who are touching”: Tim Hardwick. “Angela Ahrendts says she views Apple Store staff as ‘executives,’” macrumors, January 28, 2016, http://macrumors/2016/01/28/angela- ahrendts- applestore- staff- executives/.
[79] “What the heck is Angela”: Jennifer Reingold. “What the heck is Angela Ahrendts doing at Apple?” fortune, September 10, 2015, http:// fortune/2015/09/10/angela- ahrendts- apple/.
[80] 2015 marked the company’s: “Apple reports record fourth quarter results,” apple, October 27, 2015, http://apple/pr/ library/2015/10/27Apple- Reports- Record- Fourth- Quarter- Results.html.
[81] skyrocketed to 81 percent: Apple Insider staff. “Angela Ahrendts treats Apple Store employees like execs, retained 81% of workforce in 2015,” appleinsider, January 28, 2016, http://appleinsider/ articles/16/01/28/angela- ahrendts- treats- apple- store- employees- likeexecs- retained- 81- of- workforce- in- 2015.
[82] teams with humble leaders: Bradley P. Owens, Michael D. Johnson, and Terence R. Mitchell. “Expressed humility in organizations: Implications for performance, teams, and leadership.” Organization Science 24.5 (2013): 1517– 1538.
[83] humility is actually a necessary: R. A. Emmons. The Psychology of Ultimate Concerns: Motivation and Spirituality in Personality. Guilford Press, 1999, p. 33, as cited in June Price Tangney. “Humility: Theoretical perspectives, empirical findings and directions for future research.” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 19.1 (2000): 70– 82.
[84] aren’t dependent on external: Kristin D. Neff and Roos Vonk. “Selfcompassion versus global self-esteem: Two different ways of relating to oneself.” Journal of Personality 77.1 (2009): 23– 50.
[85] “really, really want[ed]”: Neff, Kristin D., Kristin L. Kirkpatrick, and Stephanie S. Rude. “Self- compassion and adaptive psychological functioning.” Journal of Research in Personality 41.1 (2007): 139– 154.
[86] also less creative: Steven G. Rogelberg, et al. “The executive mind: leader self- talk, effectiveness and strain.” Journal of Managerial Psychology 28.2 (2013): 183– 201.
[87] “I am unconscious of intentional”: George Washington. Washington’s Farewell Address [1796]. First National Bank of Miami.