都是我们自己的事
《心理韧性》都是我们自己的事,页面无弹窗的全文阅读!
我们被教导要把自己看成独立的个体，完全独立于我们的成长环境、我们的社区和周围的人；要认同我们思考脑的理解，同时无视我们的生存脑输入的信息的价值；要否认我们的选择对自己和周围人的身心系统所造成的影响。我们被告知，压力、创伤、焦虑、抑郁、不愉快和痛苦都只是“做事的代价”，成功和失败都是我们自身努力的结果。
这种思考脑和生存脑之间不平等的对话在我们的社会中广泛存在。我们习惯于倾听、相信，并且只根据我们和他人思考脑的输入信息来做决定。我们从家人、朋友、老师、教练、上司、名人、媒体、广告和新闻中吸收思考脑叙说的东西。
我们还严重依赖于思考脑主导的疗法和技术，而这些方法的目的是帮助我们的思考脑感到更有掌控力。然而，它们往往会无视、忽略或试图“管理”或“修复”生存脑输入的信息，包括我们的情绪、生理疼痛及应激唤醒等。在我们的社会中，我们常常将思考脑主导的工具与掩盖我们的失调症状或使其最小化的处方药及自我疗愈方式——通过食物或其他药物进行——搭配在一起。
以思考脑为主导的流行疗法和手段包括“谈话”疗法和群体疗法、认知行为疗法（简称CBT）和认知加工疗法——后者是认知行为疗法的姐妹疗法，它在美国退伍军人事务部诊所中有着普遍应用；另有运动心理学和积极心理学方面的技术，例如，目标设定、“扩展和建立”积极情绪及“以力量为基础”的积极心理学。所有这些技术都依赖于思考脑主导的策略：用思维去重新评估和重新构建情境；寻找事情中的积极面，专注于感恩、内在力量及其他积极品质，有意识地培养积极情绪，通过想象和预演为未来的情形做好心理准备，专注于未来的目标并为其制订计划。
美国军方和其他高压组织广泛实施的抗压项目在很大程度上就是以这些思考脑主导的技术为基础的。然而，不足为奇的是，这些手段目前尚未显示出任何减缓失调或负面情绪的实证效果。[27]我将在后续章节解释其原因。尽管如此，如果个人无法利用这些手段来有效调节自己的压力和负面情绪，那么他们可能会将这种无效性内化成自身的“问题”。[28]在这个过程中，他们可能会在社会认可的策略方面加倍努力，然而这些策略会造成非稳态负荷，同时加剧思考脑和生存脑之间的对立关系。
与此同时，我们的生存脑依然在后台运作着，满足着我们的不良嗜好，用不忠和工作狂来破坏我们的亲密关系，让我们饮食紊乱，助长我们对药物的依赖，通过运动过量或锻炼不足来破坏我们的身体健康，驱使我们去寻求刺激或伤害自己，让我们用暴力、虐待、不道德或越轨的行径将我们没有意识到的痛苦外化到旁人的身上。
接下来，当生存脑如此操纵我们的行为时，我们通常会感到羞耻，也会自我批判，而且感到内疚。
但这不正是硬币的另一面吗？如果我们坚持把任何成就、成功、创造性工作或胜利都归功于自己，那么这不也就等于要我们将各种困难、缺陷、成瘾行为、生理和心理疾病、肥胖、人际关系问题及糟糕的选择都归咎于我们自己吗？如果我们将自己视为独立个体，认为我们的思想、情绪、痛苦、行为及选择都取决于我们自己，那么当我们不可避免地表现出自己作为人类的缺陷时，我们的思考脑自然会感到不适。
对我们那些不符合自我形象的部分，包括“受到创伤”或经历痛苦，我们会去贬低、否定、区隔、掩盖或外化它们，分散对它们的注意力并将它们合理化，其主要原因在于我们相信这些事情多少都会给我们带来不利影响。我们不想要创伤、负面情绪、成瘾行为、生理或心理疾病，也不希望自己无法熟练应对问题。我们会假设“我不应该有这种感觉”或“一定是我哪里不对”。过去的我显然也是这样。
幸运的是，这些来自思考脑的想法并不正确。
我发现，这种思考脑与生存脑在压力和创伤方面的不平等对话最吸引人的地方在于，尽管我们往往会更多地听取来自思考脑的信息，但我们的生存脑在这方面提供了更好的信息。记住，神经感知是生存脑的功能。生存脑通常会就我们是否感到压力、经受创伤或失调等问题提供最为准确的信息。正如后续章节要探讨的那样，更为重要的是，生存脑决定了我们是否能从压力和创伤中恢复。因此，思考脑的主要手段往往并不完善。
这就是理解我们的身心系统如何连接以便我们所承受的压力能得到极度释放的关键所在。我们的身心系统与其他系统相互关联。我们身处家庭、邻里、校园和职场的人际关系之中，正如国家深植于其他国家、全球的经济体和国际机构的关系中一样。这些相互依存的网络由地球及其资源支撑，而我们的选择反过来也影响着相互关联的整个系统。
重要的是，我们尚且没有能力来控制这些联系，当然这也轮不到我们去做。我们的身心系统是通过与自身所在环境的反复互动建立起来的，特别是童年时期我们与最亲近之人的互动。通过这些关联，我们形成了与他人互动，忍受逆境及应对压力、创伤和负面情绪的习惯性策略。例如，格雷格、塔尼娅、托德和我采用的不同应对策略正是我们各自的生活环境作用的结果，这些策略明显具有适应性，因为它们能够让我们生存下去。
因此，今天当我们中的任何一个人经历压力、创伤、负面情绪、渴望、“非理性”冲动，抑或实施暴力或做出有害选择的冲动时，这不过是我们过去的状况在发挥作用，它实际上并不适用于现在的我们。
本书的第二部分将探讨耐受窗背后的科学原理，包括我们的耐受窗如何形成，又如何随着时间的推移缩小。我希望帮助你的思考脑更好地理解你的生存脑，包括它的功能和原理，以便你更好地理解它所传达的信息。在认识到压力和创伤是一个连续体的前提下，我们会看到自己也许会以某种方式贬低那些在生存脑看来压力极大，但在思考脑看来“没那么糟糕”的事情。我们会发现自己可能不会考虑优先恢复状态，因为我们首先就轻视了压力或创伤的源头。此外，我们还会发现自己可能会如何错过那些让我们真正有动力去恢复和疗愈的着力点。
让自己感觉更好、在压力和创伤中茁壮发展并做出有效选择的最直接的方法莫过于认识自我，而不是提升自我。
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[24]克拉克·肯特是美国DC漫画中的超人；布鲁斯·韦恩是DC漫画中的蝙蝠侠；彼得·帕克是美国漫威漫画中的蜘蛛侠。——译者注
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